RAW Report 8/29/11 Who's Wearing The Pants This Week?

I’m sorry this is starting late, I was in for tests, but fine now.

RAW this week starts with Triple H out to the ring. His suit still sits badly around his shoulders. Trip say it’s his job to give the absolute best the wee can give. That this company survives and thrives. Starting tonight and in the future, we won’t only get RAW Superstars, but Smackdown Superstars to give a RAW Super Show. That’s a cool part of being COO. But there’s bad thing at this job, being lied to, texting, car crash all of this lies. Worst is that it’s coming from one of his best friends. Kevin said Trip is trying to keep Kevin from being a man, so why doesn’t Nash come to the ring and explain this.

Punk’s music hits and he comes down to the ring. The fans love him. Video from last week when Nash distracted Punk and caused him to lose to Cena for the contendership. Punk is clapping at Trip. He calls Trip a performance. He was in some movies, but this was Oscar caliber. Punk wants Trip to man up and stop lying.

At this point Nash’s music hits. Trip gets between Punk and Nash. Nash loudly says he lied! He had his driver call Laurinaitis and tell him he was in a wreck. He knew it would pull Trip from the building and he needed to finish with Punk, so he got rid of Trip. Punk’s been trying to make a fool out of Nash and that’s over. The thing is that it’s not Trip that Punk is offending, it’s Trip’s wife! This is a pregnant pause.

Nash might not have acted the way Trip wants him to, but what type of man is Trip. Another pregnant pause. Trip says the kind who isn’t lied to by a friend. He can’t trust Nash who lied to his face. He’s asking one more time like before – leave! Leave and don’t come back.

Nash said he did lie, only about the accident, not the text. When Trip was out of the building, Laurinaitis signed Nash to a very lucrative contract. So, buddy, old pal, if he wants to fire Nash he has to do it in front of everyone. It’s written in that Nash can sit home and get paid.

Trip says he won’t fire Nash, but the lying stops now. Punk starts choking, dry heaving and playing a gagging mess all over the mat, but noting comes out. Punk says Trip and Nash are acting, the way Punk is now. Trip can’t get his hands dirty, so Nash does it. Not only does Trip accept Nash’ apology, but hires Nash back! Punk then says, “Hey everybody, the Kliq’s back, yeah!” Punk even threw up the hand for it. Kliq is a funny name as that’s what people do with their remotes when Nash is on. Huge pop for that. It’s also the noise Nash’s knees makes when he walks.

Nash says he’s officially back, why doesn’t Trip book the match that everyone wants, the match Punk says he wants. Punk says at NOC as Nash’s a Champion ass kisser. Trip has to talk to the board of directions, meaning his wife. She’s the one who runs this company. Trip doesn’t wear the pants in the family, but he does wear her panties. “Pipebomb!”

Trip is very rattled by this and glares at Punk who doesn’t back down. Trip says Punk wants the match? Fin, Punk and Nash, NOC. As far as those two, he has two words for them both. Trip raises his mic high for the fans to yell. ‘Suck it!’

Orton comes out on stage, holds his strap high. Orton will be facing Dolph Ziggler. Orton is all smiles on the stage. Many shots of Dolph hitting his zig-zag on other wrestlers.

– Commercial

Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie

Orton in the ring, waiting. Dolph comes out looking pissy with Vickie barely keeping up while wearing a blue ruffly dress that’s at least 20 years to young for her.

They lock up in the ring. They muscle around, then Dolph on Dolph with blows, Orton fights back. Revered whip on Orton who comes out with a huge clothesline. Orton missed his knee drop but ate a drop kick on Orton. Dolph’s pants has been pulled down to show his tan line! Running then into a Thesz press. Orton on Dolph with blows. Dolph to the apron, Orton sets up, but Vickie on the apron. This distracted Orton who is sent flying from the ring. Dolph out with a zig-zag on Orton on the floor. Dolph rolls in the ring and the ref is counting Orton out, but makes it back before then. Dolph stomps Orton in the ring until pulled of by the ref.

– Commercial

Dolph slams Orton’s head into the stairs. Backstage Swagger is watching the match. In the ring Dolph pins Orton for two. A chinlock and arm hold on Orton. Elbows to Orton shoulder. Orton grabs Dolph’s hair briefly, then is able to elbow out.

Orton then eats a back elbow. Dolph climbs to the second rope, but Orton up and on Dolph with blows. Solid head butt to Dolph. Orton climbs and hits his father’s superplex. Orton covers, Dolph barely gets his shoulder up. Orton nails a couple clotheslines, then that amazing scoop slam. Belly-to-belly on Dolph for two. Dolph takes Orton down and pulls the leg high, but can’t get the three. Orton counters a headlock on Dolph for two. Dolph went for a dropkick and Orton hits the corner with snake eyes. Orton gets Dolph up on his shoulder then slams down for a neck break type move. “RKO!” chants. Orton sets up for the punt, but eats the kick that made HBK famous! Somehow Orton kicks out! Orton after the zig-zag, but Orton gets him on the apron and hits his great DDT – ‘vintage’. Orton’s setting for RKO, but Dolph tries to lock on a sleeper! Orton throws him off. Orton then picks up Dolph and drops him face first to the mat. Orton then hits his RKO and it’s over.

Winner – Orton

Swagger is shown backstage smiling at the ending of this match. Video highlights of the match. Orton poses, smiles as Vickie and Dolph stagger off.

Video of ADR attacking Cena last week after the main event. JR doesn’t know how anyone can beat ADR.

Backstage Josh asks Cena about the savage attack from ADR last week? Cena smirks, then turns and heads for the ring.

– Commercial

Cena’s music and comes out to the stage and says to the camera that we should be there, this is awesome! Cena then runs and slides into the ring. He asks how everyone is. Mixed emotions, he love it. The heat and pop grow. He’s a bit uneasy as ADR’s actions, than his words. He said he’s be an upstanding Champ with class. ADR’s actions show that he doesn’t have class is a coward Champ and has mastered the ancient art of “BLEEP!” (No clue what Cena said, but the announcers were shocked by it.) That’s fine, every action has repercussions. The repercussion will be Cena kicking ADR’s teeth so far down his throat that they will be down at the other end. Cena tells ADR to come get some!

Mark Henry comes out looking really mad. Video of Henry slamming Sheamus. Cena’s talking about getting some? He’s down to get some. He’s dismantled Kane, Big Show and others. Last week he slammed Sheamus on those stairs. Cena will join the hall of pain. Whoever wins the Cage Match tomorrow will feel the pain. At NOC Henry will be WWE Heavyweight Champ.

Christian out to the ring. After Christian beats Orton tomorrow night, Henry will face him at NOC. Cena makes Christian sick to his stomach. He can’t sand someone who whines, bitches and complains until he gets what he wants. Cena said that he wasn’t whining, this is whining. Cena puts on a whiney voice and asks why Christian comes out every week looking orange with his fake tan! Doesn’t he know this is HDTV? Why does Henry’s breath smell like funnel cakes filled with dog crap. If they want some, or leave.

Christian says there’s two of them and one of Cena. Christian tells Henry they can’t take that. Sheamus runs full boar into the ring. Sheamus sides with Cena as Christian flees. Finally Henry backs off and leaves.

Laurinaitis, watching on a monitor, says to a ref that this should be a tag match. Trip walks in and agrees, but he’s already made the match and it isn’t Laurinaitis’ job. Trip is Laurinaitis’s boss as he pokes Laurinaitis in the chest for emphasis!

– Commercial

Cole talks about blood donations, especially after Irene. Very somberly Cole talked about the financial and blood donations needed.

Punk vs. Miz

Miz says Punk’s sounding like Cena with all that sick and garbage. Miz was speaking his mind before Punk started dropping pipe bombs. Last week showed how he’s trying to get noticed. Tonight will further show his point. Through it all Punk’s trying not to laugh!

They lock up. Shoulder block to Miz, the Punk mocks him. Lock up and they struggle to a corner, Punk backed in, so of course Miz doesn’t break cleanly. A couple blows to Miz, then a back elbow. A solid and clean suplex on Miz. Punk climbs, but Miz knocks him hard and Punk felt it. Stomping from Miz, then a big boot for two. More blows to Punk on the mat. Knees to Punk’s head, the a running knee gives Miz two. Miz dances around, then blows on Punk. Punk comes back with kicks, but Miz hits a low DDT on Punk for two.

Miz comes back at Punk with a couple neck breakers, but only gets two. Punk in a corner and Miz hits his big clothesline in the corner. Miz with a flying double axe handle on Punk who sells well.

Punk gains some power, but Miz takes him down for another two. Chinlock on Punk in the center of the ring. Punk elbows free and tries for GTS, but Miz hits a reverse DDT on Punk for two. They exchange blows, Punk getting the upper hand, but Miz back with a neck breaker for two. Reverse chinlock on Punk who gets free and nails Miz with a couple elbows, but mix grabs a hand of Punk and sends him into the corner shoulder first, then to the floor.

– Commercial

Suplex to Miz, but during the commercial Punk ate a corner outside. High knee to Miz in a corner. Running bulldog on Miz, then Punk to the apron and up for a flying clothesline. Miz wiggles free of the GTS, but Punk comes back with this wild backbreaker that was amazing! Punk up, Miz up and grabs Punk. Miz can’t get Punk to move, Punk knocks Miz down and pays his homage to Macho Man, beautifully. But then R-Truth runs into the ring to help Miz and causes the DQ.

Winner – Punk via DQ

Nash slowly walks down the ramp. Punk watches him, but Miz attacks Punk from behind. Nash slowly walks out and into the ring. Nash hits his all-time famous release power bomb. JR talks about how great Nash has been over the years. Videos of the high points of the match and post-match.

– Commercial

Sin Cara vs. Jack Swagger

Sin Cara out his normal way. Swagger out to the ring and poses.

Sin Cara backed into a corner. The person at the switch turning on that golden lamp for Sin Cara’s matches was almost a minute late changing it up. Kick to the back of Swagger’s head. Head scissors was botched, then a drop kick from Sin Cara. Sin Cara and Swagger out, Sin Cara flies and takes Swagger down. Clothesline to Sin Cara back in the ring. Swagger bomb out of the corner. Vickie comes out to watch. Leg drop on Sin Cara and he notices Vickie. Sin Cara gets whipped, but gets a foot up. Sunset flip, then Swagger takes Sin Cara down.

Dolph out to yell at Vickie and Sin Cara. Sin Cara takes Swagger down, then a flying combination on Swagger for three.

Winner – Sin Cara

Dolph demands Vickie go with him backstage.

– Commercial

Video of Kofi and Evan winning the Tag Belts last week.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match – Evan & Kofi vs. Otunga & McGillicutty

Evan out all smiles. Kofi bounces out. Cole announces that they’re now Air Boom. Otunga and McGillicutty out, still looking like thugs, but no reasoning as to why.

McGillicutty and Evan lock up. Great arm drags from Evan until he crashed into a corner. McGillicutty distracted the ref and Otunga clotheslines from outside. Drop kick to Evan. Otunga tags in and pins Evan for two. Cole talks about what a huge star Otunga’s wife is. King comes back saying the Otunga’s riding her coat tails.

McGillicutty tags in and they double team. King’s disgusted with how boring Otunga and McGillicutty are. Evan flies into tagging Kofi. Kofi takes out both Otunga and McGillicutty. Kofi off the top onto McGillicutty until Otunga broke it up. Kofi helps Evan fly out onto Otunga as Kofi hits trouble in paradise for the win.

Winners – Air Boom

Otunga and McGillicutty up in King’s face. Blame his words for their losing this match. They throw a headset at King. Otunga glares through King and JR stands by his friend.

Backstage Kelly and Eve are talking off mic, all smiles.

– Commercial

WWE Slam of The Week – Eve defeated Nikki last week.

Kelly w/ Eve vs. Brie w/ Nikki

Kelly out in white and pink, Eve in tow wearing a red romper. Both Bellas out in matching ring gear.

Talking smack, then Kelly pushes Brie’s head. Brie slams Kelly down. Brie stands on Kelly’s hair and pulls her up. Backstage tarted up Beth and Natalya talking about the fans liking Kelly and they should be in the ring.

Tilt-a-whirl head scissors on Brie. Kelly sent outside. Eve over to check on Kelly and eats a baseball slide. Kelly checks on Eve as the others hit twin magic. Kelly slammed face first to the mat and Nikki gets the three.

Winner – Brie

The Bellas call Eve and Kelly losers as they back up the ramp.

– Commercial

Backstage Riley talks about how long he’s wanted to be a WWE Superstar. He’s going to prove he deserves respect. Clips of his feud with Miz. Well, the better segments of his work. He’s learned from the best and will be better!

Cole talks up Trip’s new movie Inside Out.

Henry out to the ring looking crampy.

– Commercial

Henry & Christian vs. Sheamus & Cena

Christian is in the ring with Henry. Sheamus comes out with his ribs taped and solid gash or burn on his right thigh. Cena comes out the way he always does. Cena throws his shirt out and it didn’t come back this time.

Sheamus and Christian start. Sheamus with blows, but Christian back with a big blow. Double handed to Christian’s face. Christian back with blows, but flees and tags out. Henry in talking smack. Bitch slap to Sheamus, Sheamus pushes back, then goes after Henry’s leg, then a blow to his head. Another kicks to Henry, but he comes back with a huge clothesline. Henry rips at Sheamus’ bandaging.

Christian tags in to stomp Sheamus. Stomping on Sheamus in a corner. Front facelock on Sheamus on the mat. Cena calls inspiration to Sheamus. Sheamus almost makes it to Cena, but no luck. Henry tags in a Sheamus gets shoulders to the gut in the heel corner. Henry stands on Sheamus’ chest while holding the ropes.

Christian tags in and stomps Sheamus. Christian flies, but Sheamus grabs him in the air and hits a backbreaker. Cena gets the hot tag and hitting shoulder blocks, then a slam on Christian five knuckle shuffle, then up for the AA, but Christian flees to a corner. Cena comes back with a whip and a splash. Cena gets Christian up and slams him to the mat. Cheap shot sends Henry flying. Christian off a corner and gets him up for the AA, but Christian grabs the top rope. Christian tries to flee but ends up trapped with an STF! Henry breaks it up with a boot to Cena’s head. Henry clotheslines Sheamus. Henry rushes Sheamus on the bottom rope, but Sheamus moves and pulls the middle rope down for Henry to fly out of the ring. Sheamus runs the apron and shoulder blocks Henry to the floor!

In the ring Cena eats a spear, but Cena gets free. Christian gets a hold on Cena, wanting to hit the killswitch. Cena lets Christian go, right into a brogue kick. An AA from Cena and he gets the three.

Winners – Cena & Sheamus

Backstage Trip is watching on a monitor with his King of Kings mask on a head mannequin. Punk in and talks to Trip. Trip says he’s spoken to the board of directors. Punk asked if Trip resigned? He married into the family, made his millions and now are ready for that divorce? Punk says he wouldn’t blame Trip for doing it. Trip says his match at NOC is cancelled. Punk won’t be facing Nash, but Punk will be facing Trip!

Biggest pop
Air Boom

Biggest heat

Most mixed

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